Friday, September 16, 2005
The Power of Pussy
I have been contemplating some serious shit today.
Hooked up last night. There was some finger insertion, there was some unit insertion.
And today i've showered and washed my hands several times. But I can't get rid of that vigina smell. It's gotta be the most powerful smell...not in terms of how it actually smells, but how long it lasts. I'm smelling my finger now, and it smells like fresh vagina. Amazing.
Then I started wondering if, hmmmm, maybe the vagina smell was actually on my nose or something. So I was really smelling it all the time, but only really noticing it when i was smelling my fingers. But then I realized that was a dumb thought.
Hooked up last night. There was some finger insertion, there was some unit insertion.
And today i've showered and washed my hands several times. But I can't get rid of that vigina smell. It's gotta be the most powerful smell...not in terms of how it actually smells, but how long it lasts. I'm smelling my finger now, and it smells like fresh vagina. Amazing.
Then I started wondering if, hmmmm, maybe the vagina smell was actually on my nose or something. So I was really smelling it all the time, but only really noticing it when i was smelling my fingers. But then I realized that was a dumb thought.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Drunken Rant
Blood Alcohol Content right now, 2:47 AM: 0.082 %BAC. can't legally drive.
but i could legally f right now.
dang, made out all night, but no late night action. what the f. this chick is like " i don't have sex on the first date." seriously, that's gay.
her friend, this ugly chick, wanted to have a threesome with me and a friend. i was all about it. my friend, clearly a homophobe, wouldn't bite. ha, speaking of biting, the girl that wanted the threesome - not the girl i made out with all night - bit my face and my ear tonight. my left ear is still kinda red.
what's up with the biting shit. since i broke up with the girlfriend, i've had more girls bite me in the face than ever before. seriously, you want something in your mouth, put my big fucking cock in your mouth. why bite my face? fuck you. suck my cock sluts. sorry for the rampage, but in the last three months i've had like 5 bizatches bite me. Again, if you're slurping rod and you accidently chomp down, that's one thing. But a purposeful bit in an area that other people will see the next day? Not cool.
but i could legally f right now.
dang, made out all night, but no late night action. what the f. this chick is like " i don't have sex on the first date." seriously, that's gay.
her friend, this ugly chick, wanted to have a threesome with me and a friend. i was all about it. my friend, clearly a homophobe, wouldn't bite. ha, speaking of biting, the girl that wanted the threesome - not the girl i made out with all night - bit my face and my ear tonight. my left ear is still kinda red.
what's up with the biting shit. since i broke up with the girlfriend, i've had more girls bite me in the face than ever before. seriously, you want something in your mouth, put my big fucking cock in your mouth. why bite my face? fuck you. suck my cock sluts. sorry for the rampage, but in the last three months i've had like 5 bizatches bite me. Again, if you're slurping rod and you accidently chomp down, that's one thing. But a purposeful bit in an area that other people will see the next day? Not cool.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
The Fallout from Friday
Ahhh Dell's (name of bar changed to keep this anonymous). Never a dull one there.
So let me set the stage. Earlier this week, a friend says some girl text messaged him, but he has no idea who this chick is. He asks me, and I have no idea. She says she's up from LA for the weekend and wants to hang out. So by Friday, we kinda sorta figure out who it was - some ho he made out with in a bar one time 6 months ago - but the alcohol abuse has shrunk our brains, and we have no recollection of what she looks like. We just remember that she's tall. You always remember the fat chicks, maybe because they leave a bigger image in your mind, but never the tall ones.
Separately this week, I was laying the groundwork with this girl I had hooked up with in the past. I asked if she was coming into the city this week. She said she wasn't, maybe next week.
Fast forward to Dell's last night. We somehow meet up with my friend's mystery girl. After five minutes of talking with her, we excuse ourselves to go buy drinks.
Me: You remember her?
Friend: Not really
Me: Sweet
Friend: Yeah, fuck, I don't care. She looks attractive, kinda old though.
So he dances with her, I dance with her very attractive friend (think angelina jolie). Next thing I realize, I'm face to face with my bitch who said she wasn't going to be in town this weekend. I let out a "heeaaaa" and she had this shocked look on her face. Bitch should know that I live at Dell's and that you have a 50% chance of seeing me there on any weekend night. She ended up dancing right next to us the entire night, watching me try to grope angelina jolie.
Summary of night (1-10)
Hangover score: 4 - Trying to keep my drinking down, only 2 tequila shots, 3-4 beers
Ass score: 2 - rubbed my junk against her a lot, good dancing, but didn't even fucking make out
Striped shirt score: 0 - went with the solid white
So let me set the stage. Earlier this week, a friend says some girl text messaged him, but he has no idea who this chick is. He asks me, and I have no idea. She says she's up from LA for the weekend and wants to hang out. So by Friday, we kinda sorta figure out who it was - some ho he made out with in a bar one time 6 months ago - but the alcohol abuse has shrunk our brains, and we have no recollection of what she looks like. We just remember that she's tall. You always remember the fat chicks, maybe because they leave a bigger image in your mind, but never the tall ones.
Separately this week, I was laying the groundwork with this girl I had hooked up with in the past. I asked if she was coming into the city this week. She said she wasn't, maybe next week.
Fast forward to Dell's last night. We somehow meet up with my friend's mystery girl. After five minutes of talking with her, we excuse ourselves to go buy drinks.
Me: You remember her?
Friend: Not really
Me: Sweet
Friend: Yeah, fuck, I don't care. She looks attractive, kinda old though.
So he dances with her, I dance with her very attractive friend (think angelina jolie). Next thing I realize, I'm face to face with my bitch who said she wasn't going to be in town this weekend. I let out a "heeaaaa" and she had this shocked look on her face. Bitch should know that I live at Dell's and that you have a 50% chance of seeing me there on any weekend night. She ended up dancing right next to us the entire night, watching me try to grope angelina jolie.
Summary of night (1-10)
Hangover score: 4 - Trying to keep my drinking down, only 2 tequila shots, 3-4 beers
Ass score: 2 - rubbed my junk against her a lot, good dancing, but didn't even fucking make out
Striped shirt score: 0 - went with the solid white
Thursday, August 25, 2005
I got a semi from a text message
So I need to catch this blog up with all the shit that's happened in the past...
Recently went to a concert. Met a 20 year old in the parking lot, got a serious vibe from her, and exchanged phone numbers so we could meet up during the show. The short version is she rubbed my junk for about an hour. I blew the biggest load the next day, it was amazing. But here's the longer version, the better part of the story. Below are her text messages to me after we met but before we actually found each other inside the show.
"were right next to the field Iwanna see you" 8:21 pm
"I wanna see you" 8:32 pm
"where are you" 8:36 pm
"Yeah I see it I wanna see you tho" 8:40 pm
"You better! Because I want you!" 8:46 pm
[In response to me saying I would sneak them down on the field with ticket stubs. By this time, I had a semi and hadn't even seen her inside yet.]
"I want you but we cant get there without field access were in 128" 8:54 pm
"I want you come to 128" 8:57 pm
[At this point, one reading this might think she was using me to get better seats. But that was not the case. Trust me.]
"Ok baby" 9:04 pm
[This chick is 20 years old, I met her for five minutes, and she's calling me baby. I wish I fucking did shit like that when I was 20.]
"Where are you I want you baby" 9:16 pm
[At this point, the semi is back and I'm text messaging other friends that I'm about hit a 20 year old.]
"Were at the top of 103 we need 2 tix" 9:31 pm
[I'm just now realizing how long it took to get them down on the field.]
"I want you" 9:33 pm
"Where are you" 9:38 pm
At this point, we meet up, lots of junk rubbing, decent amount of kissing, more than I was expecting coming into the concert. More text messages after the show:
(she wasn't 21 and took off to go home afterwards)
"You are very pretty you should come party in Los Altos" 11:39 pm
"OK! I'll be a grownup in ten more days!" 11:55 pm
[In response to me saying she should come party in the city sometime.]
As an epilogue to this entry, I raced home after the concert, hit up the local bar with the crew until 2:00 am, went to a gay club afterhours that was hip hop night, then went to some place that was clearly asian night, and went to bed at 7 am. My life is out of control.
Recently went to a concert. Met a 20 year old in the parking lot, got a serious vibe from her, and exchanged phone numbers so we could meet up during the show. The short version is she rubbed my junk for about an hour. I blew the biggest load the next day, it was amazing. But here's the longer version, the better part of the story. Below are her text messages to me after we met but before we actually found each other inside the show.
"were right next to the field Iwanna see you" 8:21 pm
"I wanna see you" 8:32 pm
"where are you" 8:36 pm
"Yeah I see it I wanna see you tho" 8:40 pm
"You better! Because I want you!" 8:46 pm
[In response to me saying I would sneak them down on the field with ticket stubs. By this time, I had a semi and hadn't even seen her inside yet.]
"I want you but we cant get there without field access were in 128" 8:54 pm
"I want you come to 128" 8:57 pm
[At this point, one reading this might think she was using me to get better seats. But that was not the case. Trust me.]
"Ok baby" 9:04 pm
[This chick is 20 years old, I met her for five minutes, and she's calling me baby. I wish I fucking did shit like that when I was 20.]
"Where are you I want you baby" 9:16 pm
[At this point, the semi is back and I'm text messaging other friends that I'm about hit a 20 year old.]
"Were at the top of 103 we need 2 tix" 9:31 pm
[I'm just now realizing how long it took to get them down on the field.]
"I want you" 9:33 pm
"Where are you" 9:38 pm
At this point, we meet up, lots of junk rubbing, decent amount of kissing, more than I was expecting coming into the concert. More text messages after the show:
(she wasn't 21 and took off to go home afterwards)
"You are very pretty you should come party in Los Altos" 11:39 pm
"OK! I'll be a grownup in ten more days!" 11:55 pm
[In response to me saying she should come party in the city sometime.]
As an epilogue to this entry, I raced home after the concert, hit up the local bar with the crew until 2:00 am, went to a gay club afterhours that was hip hop night, then went to some place that was clearly asian night, and went to bed at 7 am. My life is out of control.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Simple Math
Number of striped shirts I wore tonight = 0
Number of girls I hooked up with = 0
Number of girls I hooked up with = 0
Saturday, August 20, 2005
The Beginning of the End
I created this blog for several reasons. One, I drink so much that I don't remember much of my life anymore. So I thought it would be a good idea to write everything down. I used to write down hookup stories in a notepad file on my computer...you know, at like 3:30 am while totally wasted, just so I wouldn't forget a chick's name or some important event (bj, etc). But I think this blog will be more fun and save me the time of actually telling stories to friends when I could be drinking.
I already forget what the other reasons were for me to start this blog. Basically, there's some pretty fucking hilarious shit in my life, so might as well share it.
The title of this blog is The Striped Shirt Episodes. It should be self-explanatory to anyone who is reading this. But for the people in this world who actually have their life together, here is background:
http://phat5.com/features.asp?StoryID=239&SectionID=11
I already forget what the other reasons were for me to start this blog. Basically, there's some pretty fucking hilarious shit in my life, so might as well share it.
The title of this blog is The Striped Shirt Episodes. It should be self-explanatory to anyone who is reading this. But for the people in this world who actually have their life together, here is background:
http://phat5.com/features.asp?StoryID=239&SectionID=11
